I shouldn’t be writing this, because I’m supposed to be working on homework right now, but I need to get this out of my head and onto somewhere else. I had no place to go other than El Gammy’s Blog of Death, so here it is:

GOD DAMMIT I CAN’T WAIT TO FINISH THIS SEMESTER.

By far, this semester has been the most challenging, stressful and time-consuming of my academic career. Going through 4 online and 1 in-person writing classes, where there is no lectures, no tests, but only projects, projects and more projects is most exhaustive experience a human being could possibly endure, next to soccer. That’s a Dogma reference, by the way.

I’ve got 2 more weeks to go, and I’m in good position to ace all my classes… again, but I’m sure the stress I’ve been through this time around has reduced my life span by at least six years. Considering I’ve been getting an average of 6 hours of sleep for the past 4 months, combined with an extremely unhealthy diet and sky-rocketing stress levels, that sounds just about right.

Another thing that pisses me off is that nobody is reading this. I’m not surprised because I know I haven’t made a huge effort to advertise this, so come summer I’ll be writing all kinds of crap on a daily basis. We’ll see if anybody else on earth shares my sick, sick views of the world, if you smell what El Gammy is cookin.’

By clicking on this here banner:

You will be magically whisked away to a far away website offering Free Sports Picks called PicksPal.com. So what’s the big deal you ask? Well, while you’re picking from a slew of games in every sport imaginable, you’re also given the chance to win prizes such as iPods, DVD players, and during big contests: big screen TV’s.

At PicksPal, not only do you get to pick the winners and over/under, but you also get to pick from an awesome selection of hilarious props. You can bet on anything from the number of times John Madden says “Boom” during the broadcast, to how many times Bill Cowher will spit on camera.

But that’s not the best part about PicksPal, it’s the leagues and shit-talking that can even make stupid activities like Golf interesting to watch or follow (yes, golf is an activity, not a sport). When you’ve got thousands of points on the line, along with bragging rights and possibly an iPod, you can bet you’ll be watching to see if Tiger Woods can birdie the 18th hole. It’s amazing how I’ve even forced myself to watch some Soccer on Ice games (hockey) because of PicksPal.

Anyways, click on the banner and sign up to play PicksPal. If you do, you’ll make me a whopping $2.00. Tell all your friends to come to ElGammy.com and do the same, and for every sign up that comes through ElGammy.com I get another $2. If I know you, I might buy you something.

Maybe…

Congratulations to El Roberto of Death of Fort Huachuca, Arizona for winning ElGammy.com’s First Comment Contest!

El Roberto of Death won the highly competitive contest by posting on not one, not two, but three different posts on El Gammy’s Blog of Death. Highlights of his post were: 

1) In response to the Stupid Fucking Fish entry -
 

“It’s good to know this website acts like a diary for stupid information and whatever else wonders into your brain at the time. But yeah fish are pretty fucken stupid. Like Ivan when it comes to making important decisions that might alter his life. Or why somebody came up with the idea to have Special Olympics so they wouldn’t feel left out in society.”

2) In response to the About El Gammy page –

Silence!…I will not tolerate your Insolence. The Chuck Norris crap was funny. And my Tia pooping you out was funny too. I still don’t know who the Hell gave you a website but it’s turning out pretty good as a source of useless crap. And there’s blaspheming going on around here. Cause we all know my spawn is the baddest MFer most prettiest little girl of all time. So don’t make me Kill you….By order of the Angel of Death AKA your Cousin
Alrato

3) And finally, in response to the Chuck Norris Church post –

“You guys are Bellends”

Note: For the Bellends out there who don’t know what a Bellend is, as the methodical genius Ali G explains: “Bellend is the tip of a man’s beast.”

The Award for being the winner of ElGammy.com’s First Comment Contest is an entire post exclusively dedicated to him at ElGammy.com. Yes, this one that you’ve just finished reading. Once again, Congratulations to El Roberto of Death, El Gammy’s cousin (of death) who shares the same affinity for both the “El” prefix and the “of death” suffix.

This Barry Bonds story was originally posted on MyPickspal.com

We could debate this forever, so I’m gonna keep it short and targeted:

Before you start bitchin’ and whining about the Babe, Ted, Mickey, Lou or even Rose and start bringing out the stat books, let me give you my argument.

First, steroids DO NOT help you put the bat on the ball. They DO NOT help you recognize a fastball from a curve, or a ball from a strike. Steroids also do not help your reaction time or your hand-eye coordination. The only thing they do is super-charge the muscle recovery process. Which means that you can get stronger faster – that’s it.

With that in mind, (and notice I said Bonds is the best hitter not just home-run hitter), Bonds is the absolute best ever. So maybe the steroids helped him hit a couple of homers that he otherwise wouldn’t have hit, so what? Not very many of his homers barely clear the fence. I would bet a good 87% of them clear the fence by at least 15 ft – which means they would’ve still been homers even w/out the roids. In essence, the roids have only made Barry Bonds and baseball more entertaining for fans in the upper sections of the bleachers and in McCovey Cove.

I’m not condoning the use of steroids, but I am saying they’ve got nothing to do with making Bonds a better hitter. They only make him stronger. Funny how this “stronger” thing didn’t work for Canseco, or Giambi, or Ron Gant (he had to be on steroids), or any other muscle-bound freaks. McGwire hit homers with ease before he got huge, but once he got huge they just started going further. McGwire, like Bonds, was a good hitter, just not as good.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Green Police (aka The Border Patrol) is warning all citizens in the Phoenix-Metro area to be on high alert for this dangerous beaner considered to be armed and dangerous. Authorities believe this innocent-looking Mexican may be harvesting other beaners in an attempt to cultivate a new bean crop in the Southwestern region of the United States.

The dangerous youth, whom authorities simply refer to as “Guey,” is believed to be responsible for several heinous assaults on the English language, the most recent of which includes the pronunciation of the word “job” as “yob.” The INS believes Guey has been living in the Arizona for approximately 26 years now, during which he’s participated in the creation of several other jumping beans (most commonly referred to as Mexican children).

The picture above was taken by The Border Patrol when Guey was approximately 4 years of age. INS sketch artists are led to believe that after two decades the sketch below better depicts how he might look like today:

If you know anything as to the whereabouts of this highly dangerous illegal alien, please contact your local INS or call 1-800-BCK2MEX.

May GOD have mercy on us all.