Warning: Division by zero in d:\hosts\e\elgammy.com\User\Web\wp-content\plugins\pixgallery.php on line 205
Warning: Division by zero in d:\hosts\e\elgammy.com\User\Web\wp-content\plugins\pixgallery.php on line 206
While some people find the following theory hilarious, others consider me stupid for even contemplating it. The problem with the latter category of people is that they don’t realize how a wrong choice here or a bad impulse there can put them on a one-way track to the streets…or the slammer.
So if YOU were homeless, would you rather stay homeless or go to jail?
Think about it. In jail you get the following benefits for free (or at taxpayers’ expense):
- Free Food and Shelter – a roof over your head, several nutritious meals per day, and a warm place to sleep at night. None of which is readily available if you’re homeless.
- Free Access to a Gym – instead of paying for a fancy fitness club, prison provides all the weights, dumbbells, and exercise machines you need to turn yourself into a bulgy demon. Plus, you’ve got all the time in the world to workout. Again, not available to the homeless.
- Free Education – nowadays inmates are coming out of prison with a GED, associates, or bachelor’s degrees. With internet access on the way, distance classes should now be easily available to all inmates.
- Free Therapy – if you’re mental, the state pays to have your noggin’ checked out by psychiatrists – can’t get that if you’re homeless.
- Free Entertainment – ever seen OZ? Prisoners have cable TV, plus they get subscriptions to magazines. Again, you don’t get that if you’re homeless.
- Recreational Opportunities – baseball leagues, basketball leagues, softball leagues, football leagues. Prison rules of course. Sport at its finest.
Best of all, you get to commit a heinous crime to get there. You can’t go that crazy, or else you’ll get put to sleep, but if you ever wanted to rob a bank, steal a car, or rape a hot chick, you can go for it and be awarded an all-expense paid trip to fabulous prison! You won’t have to beg for money on the streets, dig through other people’s trash, or cover yourself with newspaper while you sleep in a dark alley or park bench.
The only drawback to prison is the threat of getting raped, but that can be avoided by establishing your dominance the first day you get there. Get in good with the gang of your ethnicity (in my case, Mexican), and they will provide round-the-clock protection of your virgin asshole. Strength in numbers people, that’s the name of the game in prison.
Unfortunately not everyone will be able to establish their dominance in prison. So for the weaklings out there who’ll end up as some guy named “Bubba’s” girlfriend, consider this: a shot in the ass is a small price to pay for all the FREE and luxurious amenities of prison (keep in mind, compared to the streets).
The choice is clear for me. If I were ever homeless, I would go to jail, go directly to jail. I wouldn’t even pass “GO” or collect $200.
How bout you?
Leave a Reply