El Gammy’s Blog of Death

Timmy is an average kid who no one understands.
Mom and Dad and Vicky always giving him commands.

Vicky: Bed, Twerp!

The doom and gloom up in his room,
Is broken instantly.
By his magic little fish who grant his every wish
’cause in reality they are his Odd Parents.
Fairly odd Parents

Wanda: Wands and wings.

Cosmo: Floaty crowny things.

Odd Parents Fairly odd Parents.
really rod, pea pod, buff bod, HOT ROD.

Timmy:
Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,
Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

Odd parents Fairly odd Parents.
It flips your lid when you are a kid with Fairly odd Parents!

Vicky: Yeah, right!

Why did I post these lyrics? Well, why are you so ugly? Although these two mysteries might never be solved, I’ve got a hint that the fact that Fairly Odd Parents is one of my favorite shows might have something to do with it.

Yes, it’s a kid’s show, but like most cool kid’s shows nowadays, it’s ridden with adult-themed jokes left and right. Also, Adam West and Norm McDonald regularly do voices for this show, just like they do for Family Guy. Coincidence? I think not.

Cosmo, one of Timmy’s Fairy Godparents, is a complete moron, much like Peter Griffin. His stupidity is off the charts, possibly beyond that of our lovable, yet Petarded fat guy. I believe that somehow, some way, the creative geniuses behind Family Guy are also linked to Fairly Odd Parents.

Why don’t I just look up the creators and producers online you ask? Well, that’s what the comment section is for, you lazy fuck.

“I will take you into a dark alley and FIGHT YOU, if you don’t get off the shed.”

Absolutely classic. Because of this clip, I will go watch Talladega Nights today. I’ll let you know how it turned out later. In the meantime, enjoy this clip, and stay off the shed… of death.

Here is a link to the 10 Best Will Ferrell skits of all time. Not all of the videos work because of the douches at NBC getting stingy with the SNL clips. Apparently they want to make money off of these clips and sell them on DVD, rather than letting millions of people access them for free online. I’m not sure how long this one will last up here, but as Satan as my witness, I vow to replace this video with a functioning one, if that tragedy were ever to occur.

If I would have made a Will Ferrell top 10 list, I would have called it: “The Passion of Will Ferrell.” Not because I think he’s some sort of diety, but because he does every sketch with the intensity of a crack-fueled prostitute. Nobody, and El Gammy means NOBODY screams off-color remarks better than Will Ferrell, except maybe Jim Carrey, but he deserves an entire post of his own – NO, en entire site of his own.

I’ll refrain from speaking about the master behind Cable Guy now, to dedicate him appropriate praise later. Alrato.

Street Fighter has been a part of my family for generations. Okay, I’m lying. Eat a dick. La Roberta, Ivan and I have been playing Street Fighter shortly after we came out of the womb (about 6 1/2 years, to be exact). In fact, to this day, everytime we get together, we say: “Let’s street fight” and go at it until someone’s finger starts to bleed (seriously, all over the PS2 controller… really).

I may not be the best street fighter in the Garcia family, but for all the sex I’ve had, I sure give the #1 virgin a run for his money. I know he hasn’t admitted it, but I know that when I defeat him sometimes, he truly starts to question whether the hours of video game practice (and consequently, his lost opportunities to get laid) were really worth the trouble.

I guess for him, the satisfaction of knowing he’s the best at this particular video game is greater than the pleasure of fallopian penetration. To each his own.

This one is for my very homosexual, very out of the closet cousin, Ivan, who thinks Tom Cruise is the best thing to happen to men since women. As he says, “I just think Tom Cruise is the cat’s pajamas,” whatever the hell that means.

Tom Cruise Kills Oprah

Now, I am by no means an authority on scientology, but I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to use your high-level mental powers to destroy a popular talk-show host, even if she does poison the minds of women across the country. She might be a threat to the fast food industry as we know it, but the law does not permit vigilante justice, regardless of your Thetan operating level.

The Cruise Missle is currently out-of-order (meaning: unemployed), so I wouldn’t be surprised if he combined forces with fellow psycho… I mean… scientologist John Travolta to resurrect his career, make some money and stop eating his own children for sustenance. Yes, that’s what happened to him and Bulldog Katie’s unfortunate offspring – “it” was eaten by Ethan Hunt as a sacrifice to L. Ron Hubbard.

Killing talk show hosts, eating babies and recently MI:3. This is really the beginning of the end for Maverick.