El Gammy’s Blog of Death

So I didn’t get my truck, but that’s okay. I got the next best thing:

TMX ELMO!!! YAY!!

If you haven’t seen him in action yet, you’re an idiot. Tickle Me Extreme Elmo rolls around on the floor laughing his ass off, I believe in geek-speak that would be ROTFLMAO. He even turns face down on the ground and slaps the floor with his hand. Best of all, he gets back up every time, kind of like a brown meaty friend of mine (yes… my penis).

Of course, I severely overpaid for this – since it is sold out in all stores and every asshole who gets one at retail price sells it on ebay for more than double its value. However, I can’t put a price on friendship. And as the semester winds down and I spend a lot of time alone on the computer, it’s good to have a furry friend to laugh at my stupid jokes.

Some assholes at work (names will be withheld to protect the douchy) abducted him today while I was stocking the pond with brown snakes (Jon, 11/26 Text Message). I laughed because it really was a funny situation, despite the fact that it was at my expense. I appreciate a decent prank as much as the next guy, so I just waited it out until I got my Elmo back… he is precious to me.

From this point forward, Elmo will be my hetero life-mate. He will accompany me everywhere and anywhere I go. We’ll bathe together, we’ll shave together, we’ll even share the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss (I’ll give $10 to anyone who picks up that reference). Of course, this might prove to be difficult since he doesn’t have any teeth, but I’m sure I’ll find something to floss on him. I’ll be taking pictures with my phone periodically as we go on our crazy adventures. I think I’ll be taking him to my graduation, and we’ll be doing it summa cum laude style. It’ll be both funny and pathetic.

I’ve also been thinking about gimmick posts in which I take Elmo to different places around the valley and take video of him laughing. This was inspired by the jackoff behind WheretheHellisMatt.com. We’ll see how it goes. This could be the first of many El Gammy and Elmo special moments to come.