For those of you out there who haven’t seen Beowulf yet (holydouche!, not mentioning any names…), you really need to get off your lazy ass and go check it out. Aside from the fact that it’s a great flick, I’ll give you two specific reasons it’s totally worth seeing:
1) Angelina Jolie’s animated right boobie
2) Angelina Jolie’s animated left boobie
Yes, that’s right: I would absolutely bang the Animated Angelina Jolie from Beowulf. For starters, of course I’d bang the real Angelina Jolie, even though I’m not sure about the whole kissing her own brother or kissing her dad or wearing a bile of Billy Bong Thornton’s blood or adopting 17 ugly kids from around the world – but if there is one thing I am certain of is that she’s bound to fuck like a malnourished and caged jackrabbit on 7-day coke binge who hallucinates about using the semen of men (like me) as sustenance.
Also, I figure the Animated Angelina is far less likely to be carrying some sort of exotic VD, undoubtedly the only reason the real Angelina still keeps Brad around.
And with that, ladies and dbags, I leave you with a close-up of animated golden goodness: The Demon Nips.
“Can you see the gerbil now?” asked Roethilsberger.
Other captions that didn’t make the cut but are still better than yours in every way:
Warren was disappointed to discover that – contrary to locker-room legend – there was no echo in Big Ben’s Butt.
Coincidentally, the defensive play call on that down was “Salad Toss QB 7 Man.”
The NFL takes prostate health for its players seriously, as evident by the new GameTime Exams rule.
[16:13] MrDouche: sweet I was running out of girl names, so I started to go down the list of chicks I banged – which is where Girl in Toronto came from. Hope that’s ok with you, Kendra
[16:14] El Gammy: hahahahah… I hadn’t even thought about that, but unfortunately my list would’ve been pathetically short Allison
[16:16] MrDouche: the other issue is that there are several of my past bangs that had the name Jennifer, so that was a limiting factory, Brittany
[16:17] El Gammy: multiple Jennifers huh? Impressive Amanda
[16:17] MrDouche: yeah, I was a real stallion back in the day, Lynn
[16:18] El Gammy: i’ve lost too much of my “prime” banging time already, Daisy
[16:18] MrDouche: that’s a real shame, Betty
[16:18] El Gammy: tell me about it Karina
[16:19] MrDouche: my heart bleeds for you Sarah
[16:19] El Gammy: thanks Ruth
[16:19] MrDouche: you betcha Lana
[16:20] El Gammy: by the way, a spreadsheet has been started. we might soon be surpassing 200 Lois
[16:21] MrDouche: Lois was used by me about 30 or so names ago, Amie
[16:22] El Gammy: I beg to differ, Brooke
[After another quick discussion regarding work issues that I’d have to kill you if you knew…]
[15:46] MrSmith: well, a writer did not write it, so we will have to step in, Lois
[15:46] El Gammy: also, did you just now write the Sale training intro, Trish?
[15:46] MrSmith: yes…that was pulled out of my ass approximately two hours ago, Chloe.
[16:22] El Gammy: ctrl+F will reveal the truth Becky
[16:22] El Gammy: fuck
[16:22] El Gammy: I meant Louise
[16:23] El Gammy: which is spelled, and sounds differently
[16:23] MrDouche: proof is in the pudding…and Becky was also already used there Mindy
[16:23] MrDouche: Better get your name book out, Carrie
[16:25] El Gammy: son-of-a-bitch Ctrl+F has failed me for the last time, Alice
[16:25] MrDouche: your faith in your feeble technology is your weakness, Leia
[16:26] El Gammy: u sure about Becky though, Scarlett?
[16:26] MrDouche: Positive as a Mormon Salesman, Jamie
[16:27] El Gammy: shit, you’re right Frances. I’ve got no excuse for that one
[16:28] MrDouche: At some point, I am sure we will overlap, Ainsley, so don’t sweat it too hard.
[16:29] El Gammy: that’s what the spreadsheet is for Colene, to prevent that
[16:29] MrDouche: oh, ok. That makes a lot of sense to do then Melinda. Good work.
[16:30] El Gammy: it will also keep you from pulling out stretches like Ainsley every once in a while Janet
[16:31] MrDouche: I happen to have a friend who just named their daugher Ainsley, so suck it, Wendy
[16:31] El Gammy: i’ll suck on nothing Laura, that’s your job
[16:32] MrDouche: Ok, I see how it is Delilah
[16:33] El Gammy: getting biblical eh Mary?
[16:33] MrDouche: It was from a Queen song, but close enough Alicia.
[16:34] El Gammy: i try Hillary
[16:34] MrDouche: well, sorry to cut the party short, but I have to leave. We’ll talk again tomorrow Mallory
[16:35] El Gammy: I’m gonna have to break up this post into parts Tiffany
[16:35] MrDouche: You already used Tiffany before, Chelsea
[16:36] El Gammy: i double-checked that one Jesse
[16:36] MrDouche: Don’t make me find it, Gabriella
[16:37] El Gammy: try it Kelly
[16:37] El Gammy: I used Tabitha, maybe you’re getting them confused Delores
[16:38] MrDouche: maybe…either way, this talk is over for now, Cara
[16:38] El Gammy: later Rachel
[16:38] MrDouche: and we will talk to you tomorrow Crystal
[16:39] El Gammy: i’ll be here Vanessa
