Those of you who know me know that I’d go gay for a select few of elite men in this world. Thus far the lucky, handsome bad-asses that I’d probably take it up the tailpipe for under the right circumstances (or wrong depending on how you’re looking at it) and enough gallons of numbing lubricant include:
- The Rock aka Dwayne Johnson
- Matthew McConaughey
- Christian Bale
- Raja Bell
Today, I’d like to announce the addition of Noah Bennett aka Horn-Rimmed Glasses (HRG) aka Jack Coleman to that list. Here he is embracing the daughter he had with some undoubtedly ungrateful woman instead of gay-adopting with me:
Unlike the others on this list whose looks actually do come into play when qualifying, Bennett is the first to make it based purely and entirely on his bad-assery, as exhibited on Heroes week in and week out for 3 seasons now. Despite the fact that he’s not one of the show’s “extraordinary” humans, he uses his gigantic brain and titanic balls to face some of the Heroes’ universe most powerful jerks, while also dealing with unprecedented douche-sticks like Douchehinder Suresh and Mama Petrelli.
Never once does he flinch, or cower in the face of impending doom, instead showing a blatant disregard for his own personal safety when it comes to protecting his seemingly immortal, linebacker-shoulder-having daughter Claire. As a father, I can certainly understand protecting your youngins at all costs, and I appreciate the lengths Bennett goes to keep his family safe, even if it means being the occassional dick (it’s part of being a good father).
Please join me in celebrating the induction of Noah Bennett into the official El Gammy Man-Crush List by looking at his creepy stare through the infamous HRGs. For 8 out of 10 douchenozzles on Heroes, it’ll be the last stare they see.
It’s the “Henry Rollins” chin isn’t it? He doesn’t have the Rollins neck, the amazing “Spoken Word” performance skills, or the abundance of punk rock tattoos, but he has the chin…
Speaking of chins, Bruce Campbell has that chin too, and I know you’d do Bruce Campbell too. It must be the chin.
I gotta admit, I do admire the chin, but that’s not enough to push me over the gay limit (otherwise I’d be all over Leno).
As for Campbell: funny dude, good chin, but he doesn’t have that X factor that would qualify him as one of my man-crushes.
Michael Weston, on the other hand, might be a different story. I’ve gotta go back and think about that one, but his overt compassion and weak-spot for suckers in need might be a deal-breaker for me. Plus, I’ve gotta see him do some more ruthless, morally objectionable stuff, like eat a baby or slap his chain-smoking mother around for a couple of episodes…