Despite the fact that I discovered the magic wonders of Xtranormal.com and am personally responsible for starting a revolution at my office, I was the third of four circle-jerk of lunacy bloggers (where you at [B]utterfuly [S]uicide?) to create my own video. And by “my own” I mean taking the script to one of the greatest movies ever and applying it to weird, cat-bear Hello-Kitty-like creatures…
Now, while my video is a total movie rip-off, these ungrateful cocksmokers who didn’t thank me for leading them towards the path of enlightenment (aka xtranormal.com) have created their own original masterpieces:
holySmith – Conversations with a 2-year-old
Chicken Effed Bacon – Chicken effed Bacon’s Bacon of the Month Club Monthly Bacon Review and Report
Still waiting on my fruit basket… or whatever the hell is the customary “thank you” gift from honkeys.
For a gift, I was thinking of depositing a nice, moist Tucson Steamer (also known as “Cleveland Steamer”, “The Brown Mound”, or “Deuce”) right on your desk, and with it a kind of smell that not even your mighty Fart Pillow could suppress. But that probably wouldn’t be a nice thing to do in the office, and it would be especially bad coming from a person of my whiteness, who presumably knows better. Instead, I was thinking of making you a lead in one of my next Xtranormal films. Thank you El Gammy.
At first I thought being a lead in one of your films would be sweet, but then I realized you would probably make me look like a complete and total toolbox (which couldn’t be farther from the truth – I’m the coolest!). Because of that, I think I’d prefer the Tucson Steamer as my gift, as I can easily transport it from my desk to your area, and promptly smear that shit (pun totally intended) all over your desk. Suck it, bitch.
Greetings and salutations. First of all: I dig the new layout. Nice to see the blog of death back in good form. Second of all: We do totally suck for not making an Xtranormal video yet, don’t we? Maybe it’s because we are working on a fucking masterpiece. Did you think of that? Or maybe we haven’t done shit. I’ll leave it a mystery. But now I am definitely motivated to drink a 5th of vodka with Tuefel one night and pump one out. Ooo, wrong choice of words after the vodka reference…