El Gammy’s Blog of Death

I know what you’re thinking: Simpsons did it. But before you go on making your retarded judgments, do yourself a favor and finish reading the post for once will ya? Jerk.

Approximately two weeks ago, the Phoenix valley began consistently hitting around 110-degree temperatures day in and day out. I’m no scientist, but I’m pretty sure that sooner or later it’s bound to get unlivable here. I’m talking about bursting into flames or combusting as soon as the sun’s rays touch your skin. Right now if you walk into the sun, your skin will begin to sting as the sun begins to punish your epidermis – even if your skin is brown (like mine) and therefore better adept to handle cancer-causing UV rays (suck it whiteys).

Well, we’ve got retractable dome roofs on stadiums all over the world, entire football fields that slide in and out of stadiums, man-made lakes, and even man-made islands… I figure a rotating, solar-powered panel that provides shade for an entire metropolitan area is not as far-fetched as it once was. Check out my paint-made illustrations for the basic premise of my super fantastic idea:

El Gammy Saves All Life on Phoenix 8AM

El Gammy Saves Phoenix 12PM

El Gammy Saves Phoenix 4PM

I’ll leave it up to the experts to figure out the architectural concerns and nuances. I already took into account the cost of powering such a structure by making the cover panels solar-powered and completely self-sufficient, all they have to figure out is where to put the axis and support beams. Once that is taken care of, ask Uncle Obama for some money to cover the initial cost of this beast and we’re ready to build.

Of course, this thing would only be up during the intolerable summer months, so for the rest of the 9 months people can still soak in the cancer-causing rays and play in the outdoors to their heart’s content. Despite my best efforts, I cannot think of a single reason why anyone in their right mind would be opposed to this. This is pretty much the best idea ever thought in the history of thinking, as it has no flaws whatsoever. Not one.