In the latest installment of my sport look-alikes series, I’ve figured out that much like Bruce Wayne and Batman, Disney’s lovable dumb-fuck Goofy masquerades as current Phoenix Suns’ good-for-nothing back-up brick-laying center Channing Frye. Here’s the visual evidence to prove it:
Disney’s Lovable Dumb Dog Goofy
Phoenix Suns Brick-Layer Channing Frye
Gee Mickey, I can’t make a 3 in the playoffs to save my Goofy ass
Picture taken right before the ball bounces off the bottom of the net to smack Channing Frye in the face
This is exactly what Channing Frye looks like when trying to play defense
Goofy hoping to make a basket in the virtual world
Channing Goofrye? Then again, what could possibly be more insulting than calling a guy “Channing?” Especially when using demeaning sarcasm after a bad decision: “Hey, good call on making a left turn back there Channing.”
Like Rodney Stuckey and 50 Cent, as well as Fabricio Oberto and Buffalo Bill, Pau Gasol of the stupid Los Angeles Lakers is not just another ugly Spanish fuck getting yelled at by Kobe Doin Work every other day on the court. No, Pau Gasol is a fucking Camel with some decent low post moves and the magical ability to turn into pudding in the paint during playoff games (translation: he’s soft… like your mom’s rack). Don’t believe me? Then how do you explain this?
This guy used to sell cigarettes to children
Pau Gasol’s serious free-throw shooting face
All the Camels in the house throw your hands in the air! And wave them like you just don’t care!
Pau Gasol HATES going to the dentist
You better have that hay ready for me after the game
Gasol looking over to get the play call from Phil
This is MY desert! This is where I store MY water!
Gasol says: You’ve gotta call out those picks Sasha!
Camel Gasol using his humps to box out
And if the astonishing photographic evidence above doesn’t convince you, how about this classic piece of cigarrette paraphenelia?
Pau Gasol wants your children to smoke cigarettes
And just in case Pau “The Camel” Gasol happens to get his hooves on a computer and find his way to this page, here’s my message to you Pau: Si entendiste bien Pau, se que eres un pinchi camello, y van a valer verga otra vez en las finales. Ojala que te mueras.
Finally, since “Black Mamba” is the absolute most retarded NBA nickname ever, I’ve decided to start calling #24 on the Lakers “Kobe Doin’ Work.” As in, “Hey, did you hear Kobe Doin’ Work raped a girl in Colorado?” or “Do you remember when Kobe Doin’ Work scored 81 points a couple of years ago? Was that before or after he raped that white chick?” or “Kobe Doin’ Work really helped the US team win a gold medal at last year’s olympics, I wonder if he raped any white chicks in Beijing.”
How Eddie House doesn’t immediately punch Rafer right in the face is beyond me. The Most Interesting Man in the World would disown him for allowing another man to bitch-slap him.
No, he’s not worth $0.50, you tool. He IS 50 Cent. Can you guess which is which?
Rodney Cent… or is it 50 Stuckey?
Fitty Stuckey
Yes, I do pick my own vests.
Shouldn’t it be 50 Cents?
A Young 50 Cent
Rodney Stuckey goes to the movies
And in case you missed it, Fabricio Oberto = Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. But in his case, he doesn’t just look like him, he’s also a cross-dressing psychotic assclown.
Suns fans, lend me your ears! A GoDaddy.com search revealed today that both TradeAmare.com and TradeAmareforAlJefferson.com are, in fact, available:
If you care about the Suns (I don’t know why you would, I’m having a hard time figuring out why anyone in their right mind would support this joke of a “team” right now), you will buy one or both of those domains, set up a site, start a petition, constantly nag Steve Kerr and incite the entire Phoenix Suns fanbase – yes, all 8 of us – to the point where management has no choice but to trade the Designated Hitter (aka Amare Stoudemire).
By the way, around this neck of the woods, Amare is known as the Designated Hitter because – if you haven’t figured it out yet – he only plays offense and just watches on defense. Along with AK47 for Kirilenko, that has got to be the most fitting nickname in sports.
So there you go Suns fans: know your role, get that domain, and start a riot. “Why don’t I do it” you ask? First of all, you have no right to be asking me any questions, but if you must know it’s because I’ve got a rare bone marrow disease that only lets me go so far with an idea but never lets me see it through. It’s complicated – you wouldn’t understand. Just know that I’ve already done more than my part to make this happen. The rest is up to you (so we’re probably fucked). Good luck!
